The Value of Gaming With Friends

While a lot of the articles/blog posts I write for Disciple Gaming Ministry will be more academic in style, including cited research, sometimes it can be helpful to discuss topics from a more personal perspective. Obviously, I’m a proponent of using games to build and maintain relationships. I’m working on an essay delving into how games can be used as a discipleship tool, but over the weekend, I had a personal experience that reminded me of how valuable gaming with friends can be.

Because of the way life works, I’ve had a very busy schedule and little time to relax with friends to continue to build personal relationships (my wife being the exception because I prioritize my time with her even when my schedule is busy). My day job, this ministry, and my responsibilities preaching for church take a lot of time. Many of my friends also don’t share my interest in gaming, and those friends who do are very busy, and some also live out of state.

I have a great time talking with my friends who share my faith, but we’re not close for various reasons that all have to do with the differences between us. It’s not because of anything negative, just different personalities and interests that allow us to have good conversations, especially when it comes to our shared faith, but barely any overlap outside of that.

All of this can, at times, leave me feeling isolated. To overcome that, I reached out to a friend who used to be part of our weekly gaming group when we met in person to play roleplaying games and has since moved out of state. We’ve been playing a few video games online over the past year or so, and on Saturday we connected again to play a casual game and have some good conversations. We don’t even need headsets because the PlayStation 5’s controller has a built in mic and speaker we could use to talk while we gamed.

The game itself required some focus from time to time, but we’re both familiar enough with it that we could talk mostly about jobs, relationships, other games, and life in general. We play less casual games together, too, but those require focus on the game the entire time because concentration, teamwork, and quick reflexes are all important aspects of success in those other games. This one is turn-based and has a story we’ve both played through before. I wanted something more casual so we could “hang out” without it being a distraction from the game goal.

The game itself is what brought us together for four hours, but the conversation, the catching up, and the relationship that was further developed is where I found value. Sitting down and just talking on the phone isn’t something I do very often (outside of calls with my family) because of my day job in a call center, and because when I’m on the phone with someone, it feels like that’s the only thing I can focus on. But this game felt like the type of phone call we would have had with the added experience of a shared adventure. It wasn’t a call to catch up, we were actually hanging out together, even if we were in our own homes across the country.

Because of stories I’ve seen across X (formerly Twitter), Instagram, and other platforms, I suspected this would be a valuable opportunity to feel less isolated. The reason behind this is because I’m still engaging in a friendship and connecting with people, even if it is over the internet. I also know this type of activity doesn’t work for everyone, and it doesn’t even work for me all the time. That being said, playing games with a friend gave me an opportunity to connect feel less isolated.

Games have value, though there’s probably a deeper conversation to be had regarding which games are valuable and why. But for me, over the weekend, they allowed me to have and build a friendship that wouldn’t otherwise be possible.

I want to explore this further, both intellectually, and in practice, and someday I’d love to have an online “Gamers Guild” for Disciple Gaming Ministry. In the meantime, I’m excited about building relationships any time I game with other people, whether that’s online with friends, online with randomly-matched users, or in person with local tabletop groups.